A heavy-hearted decision

I'm so sad today.

I (yes, I, it's my fault, I take the blame, it's my decision...) just said goodbye to the only dog I will likely ever have as an adult. Sweet, sweet puppy. I'm just not a dog person, and I know you have to be a 'dog person' in order to be a dog owner. I think I already knew this about myself but I really wanted to be a dog person, for my kid.

I loved my childhood dog, Peach. But I didn't have to take care of Peach, feed Peach, clean up Peaches' messes, potty train her, give her medicine when needed, take her to the vet, make arrangements when going out of town for her to be cared for. My parents did that. (Thank you, Mom and Dad. Great memories. But how did you do it?!)

I wanted so badly to offer the same great experience of having a dog, for my son Evan, but the truth is, I learned, is that I am not a dog person. I don't want the lifestyle that goes with it, and knowing that about myself makes me sad too. It's not just a little change, it's a huge change. As much as I thought about it beforehand, I just didn't know, until I was living it, that this was not a good decision for me.

We had Bailey for almost 3 weeks. You might think I didn't give it a long enough try. I had to do what I thought was right for the person caring for the dog, and that's me. He's a great little dog. Very playful, hops around like a little lamb, chases after his tennis ball, gives kisses, and so on. But "cute" can't be the only reason/reward in having a dog. I felt very burden by my 'changed' life. Having a puppy rocked my world in a way that having a baby didn't even hold a candle to. Having a baby is a piece of cake.

We missed having our cat in the house. Evan missed cuddling with him on the couch. Poor Mack was here to eat and then quickly out of here. He didn't want to be around the house with a dog in it. I was sick of hopping over baby gates, Swiffering, vacuuming, shampooing the carpet and having to leave him in his kennel when I was gone, etc.

My son is sad, my husband was disappointed, (I say 'was' because I am hoping he's forgiven me) and I hope they'll both forgive this error I made and the emotional pain I have caused the family. I think I am more sad than the two of them combined and have cried more tears too.

Today I met a wonderful family who has a dog, has trained a puppy and really 'lives' to have dogs. All 4 of them immediately loved Bailey, who they plan to name Digger. Digger is a good name for him.

I'm sad, that's all. I'm sad that I made a decision that was big, and was wrong. I am sad that I had high hopes and that my own personality squashed them. This I know for sure, there's nothing wrong with Bailey...there's something wrong with his owner, ME! I'm not a dog person, and I am doing the best thing for Bailey by letting another family love him.